BLESSED BEE: C of E RECRUITS BEES TO SPREAD THE WORD

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We’re used to seeing them buzzing around in our gardens, generally not bothering anyone and just getting on with whatever it is they’ve got to do – but it seems that this summer the humble bumble bee is going to be spreading far more than just pollen.

“We’ve struck a deal with Britain’s bees to start spreading the word of God while they’re out on their rounds,” explained Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

It’s no secret that in recent years the C of E has been struggling to put bums on pews, and the AB of C’s plan has been causing quite a buzz.

“Most people like bees and regularly welcome them into their gardens, so that’s half the battle right there. When was the last time you saw a bee getting a door slammed in its face?”

True enough, but once a bee has gained entry, what then?

“So after they’ve been buzzing around in the flowers and arsing around with pollen for a bit they can then go and land on peoples’ shoulders and start whispering into their ears about how Jesus died on the cross for their sins and all that. It’s fool proof!”

But what’s in it for the bees?

“They’ll have a warm glow inside knowing that they’re helping to spread the word of The Lord, and when they keel over they’ll go to heaven. It may sound crazy, but I have faith in this plan. And in The Lord, of course.”

Britain’s bees were unavailable for comment.

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