It was the speech made infamous by the propaganda movie Triumph of the Will – Adolf Hitler’s address to 700,000 troops and supporters at the Nuremburg Rally in 1934 – but it seems that there may be a surprisingly mundane reason for the German Chancellor’s fiery and impassioned delivery that day.
Newly discovered documents reveal that at the time of that particular speech, Hitler was in fact “busting for a slash”. This explosive new revelation, based on post-war interviews conducted with one of his personal bodyguards and up until now thought lost, sheds new light on that momentous occasion.
“It explains everything,” stated historian Fusty Cardigan. “The reason for his incredibly forceful and emotive performance that day was not down to his burning desire to motivate his army and unite the Fatherland, it was because he was desperate to get the hell off that bloody stage and go and spray some porcelain.”
“No doubt about it, he was absolutely gagging for a leak,” agreed Corduroy Brown, head research at the National Archives where the documents were unearthed. “That’s exactly how I act when I’m desperate for a whiz. It doesn’t make any difference whether you’re in the queue at Tesco or addressing a rally full of heavily armed racist psychopaths, when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Coincidentally, associated documents also reveal that when the Japanese foreign affairs minister Mamoru Shigemitsu signed the Japanese Instrument of Surrender aboard the USS Missouri on September 2 1945, signalling the end of the Second World War, he was in fact “crossing his fucking legs, I can tell you.”