HAN SOLO DID KESSEL RUN IN LESS THAN 12 PARSECS TO “TEST HIS EYESIGHT”

Notorious smuggler, ladies man and rebel sympathiser Han Solo has responded to accusations that he travelled to the planet of Kessel during an Imperial Lockdown by insisting that he needed to “test his eyesight”.

Despite the fact that both he and his co-pilot Chewbacca were displaying symptoms of Space Coronavirus, they still undertook the trip. By doing this they risked passing it on to others, including funny little alien dwarfs and coaxium miners, or something.

Solo, however, was unapologetic. Speaking from a space pub, he said: “The thing is see, I had a long haul flight to Tatooine coming up and I needed to check that my eyesight was alright for that. So me and Chewie went and took a quick spin to Kessel, just to make sure I was okay to fly through supernovas and stuff. The fact that it was Chewie’s birthday is a complete coincidence.”

The scoundrel went on: “If you ask me, I acted within the spirit of the Imperial Lockdown, even if I did go and sod off to Kessel for a bit to visit the…I mean, to test my eyesight.”

Solo’s response has aroused anger amongst the population of several systems. One resident stated: “It just seems like it’s one rule for space smugglers and another rule for the rest of us.”

Imperial troops are said to be investigating.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s