BBC BRINGING LECHEROUS OLD MEN BACK TO OUR SCREENS

They were thought to have gone the way of the dodo: middle-aged male TV presenters who were forever draping themselves over teenage girls or making lewd comments about backing dancers. Quite often to their faces. But it seems that the BBC have decided that the time is right for them to return to our screens.

“Everything goes around in circles,” said spokesperson Sybil Service, “and frankly, we’ve all had quite enough of the irritating young presenters who are always super-enthusiastic about everything. It’s time for the lecherous old gits to shine once again!”

It’s a nice idea, but is the world ready to embrace a new generation of dirty old men?

“Definitely.The figures speak for themselves. Back in the days when we had the likes of Jimmy Savile presenting Top of the Pops, we would regularly be pulling in audiences of 18, 19 million. And now it’s not even on so that figure is zero. Do the math.”

It’s a move that is likely to prove controversial, but Ms Service is undeterred.

“Okay, they may have overstepped the mark now and again but, looking back on it, it all seems like just a bit of harmless fun now.”

As we speak, BBC researchers are out there scouring the country for the next wave of lecherous old gits who you would never trust alone with your daughters, and they’re mostly looking in golf and rugby clubs. And Parliament.

“What we’re after are people who have had their heads stuck in the sand for, ooh, the last thirty years or so, and have ideally never heard of the #me too movement,” explained Ms Service.

So if you’re an objectionable old sod whose sexual politics haven’t moved on since the 1980s, then The Beeb wants to hear from you. And probably so does Operation Yewtree.

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